


Yoga Pants

by ColourMyGalaxies



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: Booty, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Yoga pants, dat ass, oblivious ishimaru is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-13
Updated: 2015-09-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:07:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ColourMyGalaxies/pseuds/ColourMyGalaxies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deciding to participate in morning yoga, Ishimaru wears yoga pants. Hilarity ensues as his friends try to tell him that yoga pants aren't actually for yoga.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Yoga Pants

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hunterofcomedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hunterofcomedy/gifts).



> This can be pre-despair or non-despair, but either way, nobody knows about Chihiro's secret/true gender yet, so he is referred to a female in this fic.  
> \-----  
> Special thanks to my good friend KikoTehEevee! We were laughing about the "Yoga Pants" tag in "Never Say Never" and then I started rambling about Ishimaru wearing yoga pants and the possible reactions. Then, she inspired/encouraged me to write a fic based on the conversation. ("And then... Ishimaru finds an unlikely yoga pant-wearing ally in... TOGAMI BYAKUYA!!!")

Ishimaru Kiyotaka knew that being the Super High School Level Disciplinary Committee Chairman meant not only upholding public morals and disciplining unruly students accordingly. Being the model student also meant that Ishimaru had to discipline his body. Thus, he made sure to exercise regularly to ensure his body was healthy, fit, and muscular. But something was still missing. As a disciplinarian, he morally disciplined himself and his fellow students, and he physically disciplined his body. What could he have possibly overlooked?

One day, while he was eating his lunch, he heard an announcement that a daily morning yoga program would be available in Hope's Peak for any student to participate in, starting a week from now. Upon hearing the broadcast, Ishimaru gasped in realization. So THAT was what he had overlooked and missed. He had failed to mentally discipline himself! He had failed as the head disciplinary committee member! But now that he knew what he needed to do, the answer was so clear. He would participate in morning yoga everyday, afterall, he had once heard that yoga was immensely beneficial for both the mind and body. 

He had a week to prepare for the start of the morning yoga program, and he did so by stretching every chance he had to increase his flexibility. One day before the first day of yoga, he wracked his brain for methods on maximizing his mental discipline from doing yoga. He had managed to become flexible enough to perform some of the more difficult yoga poses, but Ishimaru couldn't help but feel as if he could potentially do  _more_ to become one with yoga and discipline. He needed to get his head in the game and get completely mesmerized in yoga, but how?

It was at that moment that Enoshima passed by wearing yoga pants. A mental light bulb in Ishimaru's brain lit up with the idea he was looking for. Of course! Just as a student must wear a school uniform to adhere to the school's dress code and to focus on one's educational studies, he would have to get in uniform for yoga! He mentally thanked Enoshima. _Of course the Super High School Level Fashionista would know it all when it came to clothes,_ Ishimaru thought to himself, beaming. Truly, she was an exceptional student worthy of Hope's Peak Academy.

Later that day, he marched into the nearest Walmart and selected a pair of standard black yoga pants. He paid, failing to register the cashier's questioning look pointed at him, and marched back to the academy gleefully. With this purchase, he had finally completed the prerequisites for total mental discipline through yoga.

* * *

The following morning, Oowada Mondo was lounging and drinking juice in the cafeteria when he saw his kyoudai emerging from the dormitory area. The biker gang leader was puzzled to see that Ishimaru was wearing a grey t-shirt, until he realized the nerd was probably on his way to the new morning yoga program. His gaze traveled down to Ishimaru's lower half, and that's when he saw the yoga pants.

Oowada choked on his drink. When he had expelled the juice out of his windpipe, he gawked at the fact that his  _bro_ was wearing  _yoga pants._ Fuckin'. Yoga Pants. He clattered noisily out of his seat, attracting Ishimaru's attention. He stormed over to the disciplinarian as the latter smiled widely.

"Kyoudai!" Ishimaru beamed, "It is rare to see you in the morning! I'd suggest that you do not make so much noi-"

"Cut the crap, kyoudai, why the  _fuck_ are you wearing yoga pants."

"Language-"

"Just answer th' fuckin' question, man. Why are ya wearin' skimpy legging-type shit that hugs yer ass?"

Ishimaru seethed at being cut off twice, then promptly replied, "Why else would I be wearing yoga pants? Because I am going to do yoga, obviously."

"Yeah, but, Ishimaru," Oowada protested, rubbing the back of his neck, "Yoga pants... that shit's not actually for yoga, man. 'Specially not fer dudes."

"I do not see why not! They are extremely comfortable, they absorb my sweat, and they enhance my flexibility immensely!" To prove his point, Ishimaru started doing various leg stretches, then brought his feet together and raised his arms.

Oowada's eyes widened in realization and horror. "Oh no. Kyoudai. Don't even think about touchin' yer toes. No. No, no, NO! DON'T BEND OVER-"

Ishimaru did not heed Oowada's warning and bent over to touch his toes, just as an unfortunate Kuwata Leon entered the cafeteria.

"Yoooo, hot DAMN!" Kuwata catcalled, "Look at dat ASS!"

Ishimaru straightened immediately and spun around to glare at Kuwata, his eyebrows knit together with the fury of a thousand suns.

"WHAT THE F- ISHIMARU?! What the hell, man?" Kuwata paused. "Well, even if it's you, can't deny a good butt when I see one."

A unanimous chant of "True" rang out from the occupants of the cafeteria.

"Anyway, I must get going, you have stalled me enough and I cannot be late for morning yoga!" bellowed Ishimaru.

"Ohoho, no ya don't." Kuwata yanked the disciplinarian back. "Listen, man, you have a really sweet ass that I wouldn't mind gettin' a piece of, but ya just can't flaunt it like that, man. 'Specially not in yoga pants."

"First kyoudai, and now you, Kuwata-kun?" Ishimaru said, puzzled, "I do not understand why my pants are being treated as subjects of hostility!"

"Th' fuck does that all mean?"

"Anyway," Oowada interjected, "You have to understand, kyoudai. Yoga pants are fer girls. Dudes can't wear them, period. It's gay as fuck."

Fujisaki passed by the cafeteria wearing yoga pants at that exact moment, and hearing Oowada's words, she scampered away with tears in her eyes.

"Huh?" Oowada pondered, "What's her deal?"

"Kyoudai! Fujisaki-kun was probably disturbed by your unnecessary and irrelevant homosexual slur!"

"Beyond th' point, man," Kuwata added, "Ya get it, Ishimaru, dude? Guys can't wear yoga pants because-"

"Because what, you piece of plankton? Inferior cretins like you who don't know anything should just keep their mouth shut."

Oowada and Kuwata simultaneously gasped as Togami, the Super High School Level Heir, strutted into the cafeteria clad in white designer brand yoga pants.

Oowada hollered, "Togami, what the hell!" as Kuwata muttered, "Yeah, Ishimaru's ass is  _way_ better."

"Togami-kun!" Ishimaru chimed, "I see I have found a fellow comrade in yoga pants! Ha ha ha! Are you also planning to participate in morning yoga?"

"Comrade...? I suppose so..." spat Togami, "And yes, as much as I am embarrassed to associate with all you commoners, a little morning yoga can't hurt. And what better clothes are there to wear to yoga other than exclusive international brand name exercise garments worth thousands of dollars. Did I mention these runners are from the Peruzzi, the Italian brand?"

"Did someone say Peruzzi?" Asahina commented as she walked into the cafeteria, "I freaking  _love_ their leather brace...... what the glazed hell is going on here?"

Asahina, wearing indigo yoga pants instead of her usual track shorts, stared in confusion at Ishimaru and Togami, the two boys wearing yoga pants. "Are you two wearing... yoga pants?"

"Of course, Asahina-kun!" Ishimaru bellowed, "It is essential for partakers in yoga to wear the uniform of yoga!"

"I never thought I'd live to see the day I would agree with you, Ishimaru," Togami muttered, "But precisely. We cannot enjoy this little game if we are not in the proper attire-"

"Um," Asahina cut in, "That's a load of bull. Yoga pants aren't actually for yoga, guys."

"Huh?"

"Yeah, yoga pants are pretty much just leggings now. Girls wear 'em to make their legs and butt look great. I dunno why there are gender roles on yoga pants, but there just are. They're not socially acceptable, y'know? They've been degraded from pants for yoga to the trademark bottoms for girls who want to look good and appealing."

Ishimaru thought back to when he saw Enoshima wearing yoga pants, then looked down at his own. He could feel the blood creeping up his neck and cheeks from embarrassment. How stupid he had been! He should have worked hard and studied more about yoga pants instead of assuming he knew everything about them! He had failed as the disciplinary committee chairman!

"Oh, and speaking of girls in yoga pants," Asahina added, "I finally convinced Sakura-chan to wear yoga pants this morning. She just looks so cute! Oh, there she comes!"

The four boys' eyes widened in unison, and they attempted to protest, not wanting to see "The Ogre"'s massive and muscular legs in stretchy and tight material. But it was too late, because moments later, Oogami rounded the corner in turquoise yoga pants.

"Sakura-chan! Hi! You look adorable, you're totally workin' it in those yoga pants!"

"Thank you, Asahina, you are too kind," Oogami responded, "But are you alright? You seem to be slightly pained."

"Wow, you noticed? Yeah, I overstretched yesterday so my legs kinda hurt."

"Would you like me to carry you to morning yoga?"

"Could you really? That would be so helpful, thank you so much!"

The four boys screamed in horror all at once as Oogami turned her back towards them and started to squat. As she squatted lower and lower, the material of the yoga pants stretched against her arse and became more and more transparent-

Suddenly, the four boys were blinded at the atrocious sight, and Ishimaru vowed to never wear yoga pants ever again, even for the sake of his duties.

**Author's Note:**

> (Contrary to this fic, I'm sure Sakura's ass is the greatest. She is gorgeous. She is bae.)  
> This is a silly little fic inspired by the "Yoga Pants" tag in hunterofcomedy's story "Never Say Never", which is why this fic has been dedicated to them.  
> 


End file.
